Dealing With Death, Adult

About this topic

Death happens to all living things at some point in time. Grief is a normal response to the loss of a family member, friend, or pet. It does not matter if the death was a result of a long illness or a sudden accident. The process of grieving may be very painful. It can affect your feelings and your view of life around you. You may feel the physical result of grief too. It may take a long time to work through your grief, before you feel like you have adjusted to normal life again. Losing someone is a sad thing and sadness is a big part of grief. It may seem hard to just go on with life having this grief, but there are healthy ways to cope with it. ‚

General

People often talk about moving on after the loss of a loved one. Moving on does not mean to forget the loved one who died. Some people feel to move shows a lack of love or respect for the one who died. In fact, it just shows that the grief has run its course. Grief is a time-limited normal human response to loss. It will take time to heal. With time and support, you will find a new way to live without your loved one in your life. ‚
There are healthy ways to cope with the sadness and grief. ‚
Deal with your feelings: ‚

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is only important that you do it without hurting yourself or others.
Know that its okay to cry. This is a normal way to let go of strong feelings. Cry alone, cry with a counselor, cry with family or friends.
Be honest with yourself and admit your feelings. Try to accept that the loss happened. Recognize this is a hard time. Try not to pretend that all is well. This will let others to know their support is needed.
Talk about how you feel and what you think. Talking about what happened is a healthy way of trying to make sense of your loss. It will help you work toward accepting your life without your loved one.

Get support from others: ‚

Remember, there are still other family members and friends who love you. Don't forget those who are living.
Get support from other family members and friends who love you. Tell people what you need or what may be helpful. Such as, if being in the house alone is hard, ask someone to spend the night or weekend. If cooking or eating alone is hard, ask for help with meals or go out to eat with friends. If going through clothing or personal items is too painful, ask a close friend to help.
Draw comfort from your faith. You may find praying, meditating, or talking to a religious adviser helpful.
Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. This person can help you deal with the strong feelings that go along with grief and loss. Often, friends and family may want to help. They may not have the training to know how in a healthy way.
Join a support group. You will be able to share feelings and listen to others who have gone through their own loss.

Activities may be helpful: ‚

Reading books on grief and loss may be helpful.
Do things that you enjoy and are fun. Some people enjoy painting or drawing. Others are drawn to singing, playing a musical instrument, or dancing. Working with your hands, gardening, or doing crafts may appeal to some people. It often feels good to do something to express strong feelings.
Spend time working with others. Join church or community activities.
Keep a diary or scrapbook. This is one more way to express strong thoughts and feelings as you deal with grief. It also gives a way to look back as time goes on. You can see how the pain eases and life starts to move on once again.
Create a memorial. Having some lasting keepsake of a loved one may bring comfort to you. Plant a tree, rose bush, or flowers. Make a garden spot or get a tattoo. Some families create scholarships or make donations to a favorite charity in a loved one's name.

Plan ahead for hard times: ‚

Make plans on how to cope with holidays or anniversaries. These can bring back memories and feelings. Be ready and expect these feelings. Talk to your family and friends as a way to give honor to your loved one.
Don't be afraid to ask for extra support during these times.

Avoid self-destructive ways of dealing with your grief. ‚

Do not leave or avoid friends and family who love you.
Don't use alcohol or illegal or prescription drugs to numb strong feelings.
Avoid overeating or not eating enough.
Don't gamble or over spend to try and fill the emptiness of loss and grief.
Put off major life decisions for a while. If a major decision has to be made, talk with a close friend or counselor before making it. Get other views before deciding.
Don't take anger out on others, physically, emotionally, or verbally.

When do I need to call the doctor?

You have made any attempt to hurt yourself or if you have been doing very risky things with the hope of dying by accident
You feel life is not worth living or you have thoughts of harming yourself or someone else
You cant sleep, eat, or think clearly
You long to die to be with your loved one
You blame yourself for the loss
You keep yourself away from other people
You show signs of not taking care of yourself. These can be not:
- Eating
- Showering
- Talking to others or getting out of bed
- Taking needed drugs
- Going to appointments, work, or school
You can't trust other people or feel fearful of others
Your grief does not go away or seems to be getting worse

Where can I learn more?

Helpguide.org ‚
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm ‚
Mental Health America ‚
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/coping-loss-bereavement-and-grief ‚

Consumer Information Use and Disclaimer

This information is not specific medical advice and does not replace information you receive from your health care provider. This is only a brief summary of general information. It does NOT include all information about conditions, illnesses, injuries, tests, procedures, treatments, therapies, discharge instructions or life-style choices that may apply to you. You must talk with your health care provider for complete information about your health and treatment options. This information should not be used to decide whether or not to accept your health care providers advice, instructions or recommendations. Only your health care provider has the knowledge and training to provide advice that is right for you. ‚

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