Helping a Teen Deal with Death

About this topic

Death happens to all living things at some point in time. Even though it is a normal part of life, it can be hard for your teen to deal with death. It does not matter if the death was a result of a long illness or a sudden accident. ‚
Grief is a normal response to the death of a family member, friend, or pet. The process of grieving may be very sad and painful. It can affect your teens feelings and their view of life around them. Your teen may feel the physical effects of grief too, like tiredness or low mood. While your teen works through the grief, it may take a long time before life feels normal again. Your teen may find it hard to adjust and move on in life, but there are healthy ways to cope with this grief. ‚
Teens understand death in a way that is similar to adults. But, teens are not as skilled at expressing their emotions. Your teen may express very few feelings on the outside and yet be struggling on the inside. To deal with that struggle, some teens withdraw or turn to friends for comfort. Others may use drugs, sexual activity, or alcohol as a way to escape and cope with their feelings. ‚

General

After someone has died, your teen may continue to work through feelings and deal with questions for a long time. Remember, grieving takes time and doesnt happen all at once. Your teen will slowly begin to feel a bit better. This is natural. Your teen will grieve at their own pace, which may be different from yours. ‚
You have your own feelings to deal with. Yet, at the same time, you are trying to help your teen cope with what has happened. Here are a few things you can do to help your teen during their grief. ‚
Help your teen deal with their feelings: ‚

There is no right or wrong way for your teen to grieve. But it is important that they do it without hurting themself or others.
Let your teen know they may feel many things like anger, confusion, sadness, or shock. Your teen may have trouble concentrating or may think of what happened over and over again.
Some teens will want to be alone a lot and others will over-schedule themselves to try and block out their pain.
Your teen may withdraw from the family or be more interested in spending time with friends as a means of coping. Try to be understanding, yet help your teen know there may be times when they need to be with family.
Don't force your teen to talk to you. Rather, let your teen know you are available and interested. When your teen is ready to talk, make time for them.
Your teen may prefer to write letters or write in a journal instead of talking.
Do activities together that let your teen express emotions safely. Watch a sad movie. Pop bubble wrap. Hit a punching bag or punch a pillow. Hit baseballs together.
Stress and tension are common. Sometimes exercise or a funny movie can help to relieve these feelings. So can a hug.

Help your teen remember their loved one: ‚

Talk with your teen about what happens at the funeral. Together you can decide what part, if any, your teen may want to take part in.
You may want to help your teen remember by telling stories or sharing special memories. Lighting a candle, looking at photographs or a family video are other ways to help your teen remember their loved one.
Consider letting your teen keep something that belonged to the person who died.
Make plans on how to help your teen cope with holidays or anniversaries. These can bring back memories and feelings. Be ready and expect these feelings. Talk to your teen about how they would like to honor your loved one.

Reassure your teen: ‚

Remind your teen that there are many people who love and care for them. Aunts, uncles, teachers, coaches, and friends' parents can be safe people for your teen to talk with.
Explain any changes in routine such as where your teen will be living or going to school if a parent has died.
Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. This person can help you deal with your teen's strong feelings that go along with grief and loss. Often, friends and family may want to help. They may not have the training to know how in a healthy way.
Deal with your own grief. It is alright for your teen to see you grieve, but also reassure them that you are going to be OK and continue to care for them.

Activities may be helpful: ‚

Support groups with others who have suffered a loss may be helpful for teens.
Talking with other teens who have suffered a loss can also be helpful.
Allow your teen to do things they enjoy. Let your teen know that it is OK to laugh and still have fun. This does not mean that they are over their grief or have forgotten their loved one.
Have your teen help you create a memorial. Having some lasting keepsake of a loved one may bring comfort to both of you. Make a garden spot, plant a tree, rose bush, or flowers.

When do I need to call the doctor?

Your teen has made any attempt to hurt themself or they have done very risky things, hoping to die by accident
Your teen feels life is not worth living or your teen has thoughts of harming themself or someone else
Your teen cant sleep, eat, or think clearly
Your teen has big changes in behavior
Your teen is having problems trusting other people or is afraid of others
Your teen's grief does not go away or seems to be getting worse
Your teen does not want to be with their friends

Where can I learn more?

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry ‚
http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Children_And_Grief_08.aspx ‚
American Academy of Pediatrics ‚
http://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/How-Children-Understand-Death-What-You-Should-Say.aspx ‚
Clinical Center National Institutes of Health ‚
http://www.cc.nih.gov/ccc/patient_education/pepubs/childeath.pdf ‚
KidsHealth ‚
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/someone_died.html# ‚

Last Reviewed Date

2015-04-30 ‚

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Healthy Living
Mental Health
Pediatric

Consumer Information Use and Disclaimer

This information is not specific medical advice and does not replace information you receive from your health care provider. This is only a brief summary of general information. It does NOT include all information about conditions, illnesses, injuries, tests, procedures, treatments, therapies, discharge instructions or life-style choices that may apply to you. You must talk with your health care provider for complete information about your health and treatment options. This information should not be used to decide whether or not to accept your health care provider 's advice, instructions or recommendations. Only your health care provider has the knowledge and training to provide advice that is right for you. ‚

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