Divorce and Children

where will I live, "where will I go to school," or "when will I see my other parent." Answer questions as honestly as possible. Sometimes, the answer is, "I don 't know, " � and that is OK.

Encourage your child to share feelings and ask questions. It is OK to let them know you have feelings as well. Let them see you sad or upset. However, your intense emotions can be overwhelming for your child. Remember, it is not your childs role to comfort you or help you deal with your feelings.

Be patient with your child. The pain, worry, and other feelings take time to deal with. Don 't be tempted to spoil or let them break rules. Instead, spend time with them. Give extra attention and love.

Allow your child to see and talk to each parent. Remember, your child is not getting a divorce. They still have two parents and need to spend time and interact with both of them.

Consider counseling or support for your child. Many schools offer programs to help children deal with divorce.

Look for signs of negative behaviors. Address these problems right away.

Read books and watch movies that talk about divorce to help you and your child.

Work together with your ex. � �

Try to keep your child's life as normal as possible. Work to keep daily routines. Agree on discipline to be used at both mom 's and dad 's houses. Keep both parents involved in your child's activities.
Use kind words when talking about your ex in front of your kids. Do not say bad things about your ex where your child might hear or overhear. Your ex is still an important part of their life.
Do your best to keep arguments and conflict away from your child. Do not make your child take sides or choose one parent over the other. Do not ask your child to pass messages between the two of you.

Take care of yourself so you can care for your children. � �

Get involved in hobbies or activities you used to love, but have not done in a while. Stay healthy. Eat right and exercise. Even going for a short walk each day can help you feel better.
Try to stay positive. Work to create a new life. Make new traditions. Learn to accept that while this may not be the life you had hoped for, it can still be a good life.
Deal with your feelings. You may find it helpful to write them down in a journal. Other times, it is OK to distract yourself by reading, watching TV, or cleaning. The most important thing is to be gentle with yourself while you heal. Allow yourself a few healing or comforting experiences like a warm bath, a massage, yoga, or special time with a friend. These can all help you feel loved and cared for. Consider a support group or counseling.

When do I need to call the doctor?

You or your child: � �

Are having thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else
Feel depressed
Have problems eating or sleeping
Are not able to control negative emotions

Where can I learn more?

American Psychological Association � �
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/healthy-divorce.aspx � �
KidsHealth.org � �
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/help_child_divorce.html � �
Mental Health America � �
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/separation-and-divorce � �

Last Reviewed Date

2015-04-20 � �

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Healthy Living
Mental Health
Pediatric

Consumer Information Use and Disclaimer

This information is not specific medical advice and does not replace information you receive from your health care provider. This is only a brief summary of general information. It does NOT include all information about conditions, illnesses, injuries, tests, procedures, treatments, therapies, discharge instructions or life-style choices that may apply to you. You must talk with your health care provider for complete information about your health and treatment options. This information should not be used to decide whether or not to accept your health care provider 's advice, instructions or recommendations. Only your health care provider has the knowledge and training to provide advice that is right for you. � �

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