and may think they caused the illness or death by wishing it or by something they have said in the past.
Allowing your child to be part of the grief process may help others in the family to deal with strong feelings too. All family members can help each other cope.Your child may feel worthy and valued when you include them in the process.Children of all ages can learn to cope with loss and still live happy meaningful lives after the death of a loved one.
What Can I Do to Help My Child Deal With Severe Illness � �
- Be open and honest. Make sure to tell the truth about the illness.
- Talk to your child about feelings. Comfort and support your childs feelings. Tell your child that you are always there to listen.
- Help your child find out about the illness. Let your child help when caring for a family member who is ill.
- Let the child visit or call the ill family member. This is a good time to help build a better and stronger relationship.
- Let school, church, and people close to your child know what is happening.
- If your child gets upset about routine changes due to hospital care or caring for a family member, do not get angry. Let your child share feelings.
- If your child gets scared of the ill family member, let your child talk about those fears. Offer contact with the ill person, but do not force it.
How Do I Prepare My Child for the Death of a Family Member � �
- Spend more time with the ill family member. Talk with them, savor and enjoy the moments spent together.
- Spend time with other family members too. This will help your child reflect and share feelings with others.
- Try to prepare for what may happen next and tell the child. "Mommy's hair may fall out. " � Or, "Mommy might be more tired than before. " �
- Do not give false hopes by saying things like, "Mommy will be fine. " �
- When death happens, do not say a loved one was "lost " �, "went away " � or "went to sleep " �. Children can be very literal, and believe just what is said, leading to fears of going to sleep, going away, or getting lost. Using simple words like "Mommy's body just stopped working " �, may be enough.
- Your child may feel more secure if you can keep up with daily routines.
How Do I Help My Child Deal With the Death of a Family Member � �
- Let your child grieve. There is no right or wrong way. If they want to cry let them cry. This is a normal part of the process.
- Let your child to go to the funeral if they want. Tell them what happens at the funeral.
- If your own grief is too much and not helping the child, ask a friend or a family member for help. Get help coping with your loss, so your child can see that healing takes time but can happen.
- It is OK to let your child know that you cry too. This will help them to share feelings too.
- Let the school, teachers, friends, and coaches of your child know of the loss. This way your child will have support outside the family circle as well.
Helpful tips
- Ask for help if there is concern about your childs response to an illness or death.
- Look for books, support groups and programs, or other aids that help people manage and cope with bad illness and death.
- Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, and do activities that you enjoy or help you relax. Try reading, listening to music, or playing sports. This will help you give the best support to your child.
Where can I learn more?
American Cancer Society � �
http://www.cancer.org/treatment/childrenandcancer/helpingchildrenwhenafamilymemberhascancer/dealingwithaparentsterminalillness/dealing-with-a-parents-terminal-illness-intro � �
KidsHealth � �
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/death.html# � �
National Institute of Mental Health � �
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/helping-children-and-adolescents-cope-with-violence-and-disasters-parents/complete-index.shtml � �
Consumer Information Use and Disclaimer
This information is not specific medical advice and does not replace information you receive from your health care provider. This is only a brief summary of general information. It does NOT include all information about conditions, illnesses, injuries, tests, procedures, treatments, therapies, discharge instructions or life-style choices that may apply to you. You must talk with your health care provider for complete information about your health and treatment options. This information should not be used to decide whether or not to accept your health care providers advice, instructions or recommendations. Only your health care provider has the knowledge and training to provide advice that is right for you. � �
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